July 21-23; Days 58,59,60

Lamentations 1- Ezequiel 23

Lord, as I move into reading Ezequiel , I reminded (and encouraged) by the fact that you grant us visions for the future. Certainly as in Ezequiel's case we cannot always understand what these visions mean nor can we accurately describe them using mere human language. Thus when I read these passages I can't always understand exactly what you've revealed to Ezequiel.

My present "funk" that I'm in is because of a lack of vision. I feel that I'm just wandering in life right now. I'm not really enjoying my present occupation like I used to. As I prepare to go on an international trip for work, my heart aches for leaving my family. I don't feel as if I'm living up to my role as a father or husband in being the priest of our household. These things leave me susceptible for believing the lies Satan is throwing at me. My precious wife recently reminded me of that.

Lord help recreate in me a vision for how you want me to serve you. Though I may not understand it nor accurately be able to describe it, please... make it unmistakable that it is from you - and only you. . . how I need and want to hear from you now.

July 15-20; Days 52-57

Is 41 - Jere 47

If you're reading this its obvious I took some time off from posting on my blog. I'm still current on the reading but between vacation schedule and a generally poor attitude lately I was just not making time to put up a posting. Besides this content is especially difficult for me to understand. In my last posting I purposed to stop worrying about the future to enjoy the present... but here in the Prophets, its all about the future - doom and gloom sprinkled with some amazing promises.

Sure, verse by verse there are some amazing promises that God has used to speak to me during this reading. But as I'm reading I'm trying to decide what is the macro picture here? What is God trying to tell me? Blessings for obedience and curses for disobedience. Maybe that is it?

What I find myself wondering the most is what would it have been like to be either Isaiah or Jeremiah. Particularly Jeremiah. We often quote the verse from Jeremiah that tells us God knew us before he formed us in the womb. It makes us feel important and wanted - and it should. But think about Jeremiah. God knew that his life's purpose was to bring bad news to people and share with them a message that they wouldn't obey- all before he was created in the womb. We later see Jeremiah questioning why he was even born... why hadn't he been killed in the womb? Something sadistic perhaps, but I can identify with his pain in the present attitude I've been carrying around.

Let me be a little more transparent than I've been... I'm the only remaining son of a long generation of farmers. Yet to date, I've chosen not to return to the farm. Yet there is something inside of me that wants the lifestyle but not sure that I'm cut out to be a full time farmer. Each year that passes I feel like a bigger and bigger disappointment to my parents. I enjoy my present job and lifestyle and am not ready to give it up for something uncertain and unknown. So there are many times when I've agonized with God... why me? Why did you chose this for me? Why don't you just make it clear to me what I'm supposed to do? Maybe my thoughts haven't ever gone as far as Jeremiah in thinking "Why was I ever born?" yet I have been having a bit of a pity party lately. The consequence of this is that I've not been the husband or father that God wants me to be. I'm not being obedient to the blessings He has given me because of worry for the things that I've not yet known.

So the life of Jeremiah had to be tough... constantly receiving messages from God that is not popular with the culture and even when delivered didn't see much change in the culture... he was even punished for his messages. My life is nothing compared to that. Yet I'm not being obedient and am not being the leader in my family.

God knew me before I was born and knew the struggles I would face. He knew it would take those struggles to make me more like Him. It is my choice to face the challenges as opportunities to bring Him glory or to have a pity party. If Jeremiah could persist in his challenges... so can I!

July 12-14; Days 49, 50, 51

Isaiah 1 - 42

I was wondering when it was going to happen and it finally did. I've reached the point at which this has become a task and not part of letting God speak to me. I'm facing burnout of reading the Bible, but I'm so afraid to get behind and really want to finish. So admittedly this post has very little to do with the passage and more to do with me...

I'm sure it has something to do with my heart attitude. My heart is very heavy. I realized it when I was reading Ecclesiastes and actually enjoyed it because I also felt so much the same! My heart has been worried about the future and I've almost missed living in the present... all because I've been focused on the past. I've consumed my heart and mind with worry and pushed God and his Word out of my life.... what a silly thing to do.. Let me describe....

Last week we went to visit family over the 4th of July. Then we went to my parents' house and stayed with them for a few days while we attended the county fair where I grew up. We watched my nephew show animals in 4-H something I used to do while growing up. Its not uncommon for me to leave these visits from my parents a little melancholy. I long for a stronger relationship with my family. I long for the "lifestyle" I used to enjoy growing up in the country. Yet coming away from this visit I was a little more than melancholy. I was and still am a little bit what I would call "homesick." But what makes me homesick. Is it missing what was... or hoping that I could have that again?

I can't quite figure it out. I have prayed several nights since I've been home for God to help me figure it out. Yet, I'm not sure how... at the same time I'm worrying about the future I run the risk of enjoying the present. You see, me and my family are on vacation this week. We are enjoying a week away. Camping out and visiting an amusement park. I visited the park today with the kids and my wife and while we were there I was so preoccupied with what was going through my head I almost missed the joy of watching my children experience the rides for the first time.

How often is it like this in the world. We 're so worried about the future that we can't enjoy the present? Well I think this is where the overlap comes with the Bible readings for the last several days. Isaiah was just a normal man willing to follow God's leading. And he was a man that found it impossible to focus on the present because God kept giving him pictures of what the future was going to look like. So Isaiah had to go around and tell people about how bleak the future looked even though in the present they thought he was kind of strange.

I'm certainly no Isaiah. I'm not called to tell people about doom and gloom - at least not yet. But I do know there is a lot in the present I want to enjoy and there is a lot in the future that I'm uncertain of. The only thing I can do is to purpose to live each day more purposely. By asking God to order my short term steps, I'm trusting he'll order them in such a way that leads me to figure out the future... and instead of figuring it out - I hope I'll just enjoy the moment when it happens....

But for now, I've got to go... tomorrow we're going to a water park with the kids and I don't want to miss a moment.

July 11; Day 48

Song of Songs

I can't wait to read Pastor Gary's blog on this book! It ought to be good. Lilies, pomegranites, doves, gazelles, fawns, etc... why is it these words hold so much intrigue and passion. It is because it causes us to invoke the imagination. Instead of saying your breasts are large.... the writer is describing them invoking imagination. The word pictures are fascinating and as a man I have to be careful how much I think about them, lest I get nothing else done today. But let's reflect on this in our own marriages?

• But why is it that I don't talk to my wife like this today?
• How often am I invoking Nicole's imagination in the conversations I have with her? Am I merely describing details or am I asking her to associate two seemingly unrelated things in a new and exciting way?
• Why don't I take time to tell her what I admire about her (and even lust after occasionally)? God created us to love and be enamored with each other. I remember times when we were dating that I used to behave this way - on occasion - but not as a routine matter of behavior.
• What would it do for our marriage if I were to compliment her more and encourage her more and spice up our relationship more?

The bottom line is I've let life get in the way of really living. I've let our conversations remain on the transactional stuff of life (because there is so much of it) and not get into the imaginative stuff of our relationship.

Just recently we re-instituted the concept of "date night" in our marriage. One night a month where we go out just the two of us and do something that we wouldn't normally do. Going to a nice dinner or even to a improv show, these are all things that we've done. It's not so much the event at hand as it is the ability we have to talk about stuff other than "life." While I've even squandered away this opportunity to go deeper in conversation these moments have brought about a sort of "renewal" to our marriage. With the impending birth of our 3rd baby, I pray we will continue this discipline.

I encourage you as I have been encouraged today to start dating your spouse again. Let it start with your words, followed by your actions... and let's see what comes next..... Gazelles leaping in the lilies perhaps????? :)

July 11; Day 48

Ecclesiastes

Carpe Diem... I remember this phrase from the movie "Dead Poet's Society" but it is also the phrase that rings in my head as I read in Ecclesiastes. King Solomon is writing this. He's accumulated more wealth and possessions that any other king at the time. Presumably he is the Warren Buffet or Bill Gates of the day. (Except for the fact that God has given him immeasurable wisdom as well....) Yet, here we read about how pursuit of pleasure is meaningless and how working is meaningless and how even wisdom is meaningless. It seems that all is meaningless and in desperation. So you could leave this book thinking... then what is the purpose of life, why go on living?

I've struggled like this in the past. Even some in the present. Whether it be world events escalating and rumors of wars and nuclear threats in the middle east increasing or trying to figure out if I ever want to return to my family's farm or continue working in a job I know I love, I wonder "what is it all mean anyway... why go on living?" I found myself even the other day thinking, "Lord come quickly because that is the only thing that matters!"

Isn't that what Solomon is trying to get us to realize here... that the only thing that matters is the pursuit of God and obedience to His commands. Everything is meaningless if we do it following our own desires. Yet the same thing can be truly meaningful if it is done out of obedience to God's commands. Is pleasure meaningless? Not unless it is the continual pursuit of pleasure we're after. Is wisdom meaningless? Solomon says that with much wisdom comes much sorrow, the more knowledge the more grief. (Eccl 1:18) so the more we know the more we recognize we don't know but it is meaningless only if we pursue it on our own and not use the wisdom to serve God. Solomon tells us there is a time for everything... and the most important thing he tells us is in Eccl 2:14: "I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing will be added to it and nothing taken from it." Even more pointedly he tells us in Eccl 12:13: "Now all has been heard, here is the conclusion of the matter; Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."

This book is rich... it helps me in so many ways. Yet it really helps me realize that I need to "seize the day"... not on my own - but with the Lord's direction. Obedience to his commands is the only thing that is not meaningless. So why is it so hard to obey his commands. For me it is because I'm not taking time to hear them. I'm too busy striving on my own for everything that is meaningless because I am doing it on my own. I need to reorder my day to hear from him daily and take his commands into my day. Thus helping my day not be meaningless.

Carpe diem my friend... seize the day with meaning!

July 9,10 Days 46 & 47

Proverbs 1-31

While packed with punch there are so many nuggets of wisdom in the Proverbs that I have a hard time reading them this quickly. I want to stop and ponder each of them. Yet pondering doesn't move the knowledge into application. As a whole when I read the Proverbs I gain the contrast between good an evil. Sometimes good is referred to as prudent, wise, honorable, honest, diligent... and sometimes evil is referred to as dishonest, foolish, wicked, mockery, etc... yet it is the contrast between good and evil that exists. So what defines "good" and "evil?" Simply speaking it is the reliance on God and his Laws that defines good... and conversely anything other than this defines evil. So the application for you and I is this? How reliant are we on God and His laws? Are we trying to earn our way into goodness? Or are we relying on Him to change us into good? Otherwise we're just evil.


Secondly, as I read the Proverbs the ones that really speak to me are those that have to do with family, husbands or wives. Probably because I've not been living up to the standard God has set for me in this area. He is speaking to me through these proverbs to convict me of the many blessings He has given me and my responsibility in stewarding them. I wrapped up the reading yesterday with this conviction...

Proverbs 19:14... "Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord."
I certainly have a prudent wife. She completes our family and sacrificially makes our house a home. It is worth every penny in income we've given up to have her taking care of our family full time and cementing us together with her love. While I've inherited many things from my parents... I can truly say that my wife is a gift from the Lord. I don't deserve her and yet God knew exactly what I needed. This Proverb brought me conviction because while I'm telling you this on my blog, I've not expressed it directly to my wife yet. I often overlook the "small stuff" for the sake of the "big stuff" Yet the challenge is that I define the "small stuff" as these words of encouragement and acts of service... and yet this is what she defines as the "big stuff" Take time today to tell those around you the blessings they are to your life. Hopefully by the time my wife reads this, she will have already heard it from me directly!

And as I concluded today's reading, I received further conviction from Proverbs 31... as I truly have a Proverbs 31 wife...

• vs 11: Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value...
• vs 12: She brings him good and not harm, all the days of her life...
• vs 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. (OK, so this is a little different for our day and age, but she still diligently and economically clothes and feeds our family and make the most of our budget... and she is a tremendous cook to boot!)
• vs 15: She gets up while it is still dark she provides food for the family and portions for her servant girls.... (this morning as I was taking a shower, the first thing she did was start pre-treating the laundry for wash... so she could multi-task through her day and accomplish all of the tasks at hand)
• vs 17: she sets about her work vigorously her arms are strong for her tasks... (she never complains and long after I've tired of an evening she is still preparing food for the next day or cleaning the house... her job and commitment to our family never ends)
• vs 18: She sees that her trading is profitable and her lamp does not go out at night. (Whether it be on "EBay" or "Craig's List" she is always swapping used things we don't want for used things we need saving us money. Also, clipping and using coupons and only buying food that is on sale makes our grocery budget go farther... sometimes saving over $100 per shopping trip! These small things enable us to enjoy other blessings we wouldn't otherwise be able to such as our upcoming vacation next week... )
• vs. 27: She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

So with that, I want to close this blog posting with a tribute to my wife... also from Proverbs 31: 29-30

"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

-- Thank you sweetie, for making our house a home and for Loving the Lord with all your heart.

July 6,7,8 - Day 43,44,45

Psalm 69-150

OK, so if you're checking in today, you're obviously going to see that our recent trip to visit family has thrown my normal schedule for a loop and I'm back posting for several days. For the most part, I've kept up on my reading, I've just not been going the extra step to post my thoughts... so for today I'm going to transcribe the thoughts I've scrawled in the margins of my Bible....

Importance of recording and re-reading the stories of God's provision:
I wrote this down as I was reading about the various ways God has blessed the nation of Israel and the many things the psalmist has learned from these blessings. I reflected on the purpose of the Psalms. Most were written as a way of praising God or conversing with Him. Yet many have been used over the generations to teach each other before the word was written and mass produced. By setting them to music and committing them to memory, travelling "storytellers" were able to relay these gifts of praise to everyone around them and help the generations to come remember God's provisions and sources of blessings.

The application to me is to ask the question of myself, "How good am I doing at recording and re-reading the story of God's blessing and provision for our family?" Many times we praise God in prayer for the blessing as a family but we don't continue to reflect on it - especially in times of hardship - for us to recognize God is always faithful and He is always there.

Ps 86:1 "Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy."
It feels good to say this... both because I admit I am poor and needy but also because I like to tell God what to do... Hear me and answer me... Yet when I reflect on when I've said this the most it is when I'm listening the least. God is answering me but not just in the way I wanted to hear Him answer. The answer I want is not always the answer I get, but it is always what I need.

Source of so many praise songs
Just the other day as Nicole was completing her reading she remarked to me what I had just been thinking as well... it was how interesting it is that we can recognize songs today sung on the radio that have taken the words directly from the Psalms. There is no new words to the Bible, just new applications daily. Even today, his word brings comfort to those who read it and those who hear it. How thankful I am for talented artists who record these words to music... If you haven't already , tune into your local Christian radio and see how many you recognize!

Ps 127:2 In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat and for he grants sleep to those he loves.
Lately, I've not been very disciplined with my time. It is summer and I feel like I deserve some rest. Yet I also recognize that I get tired easily when I do work. I toil for food to eat... (well maybe I'm not actually producing the food, but I'm earning a paycheck to pay for it) ... and that makes me tired. I keep thinking if I can just sleep in a little later then I will have the rest I need to make it through tomorrow. What a lie this is. This Psalm reminds me of it... HE GRANTS SLEEP TO THOSE HE LOVES.... I can't do it on my own.

Ps 138:8 The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; Your love O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands
When I read this verse it spoke to my soul in this present hour. I just returned from an extended weekend with my family. I attended our county fair and watched my nephew exhibit his 4-H animals for the first time in his 4-H career. It reminded me of my "previous live" and all of the nostalgia came flooding over me. It was a huge part of my life. In many regards, showing livestock and 4-H helped form the person I am today for good and for bad. I reminisced with old friends and acquaintances as I watched the youngsters compete. I reflected on the life I used to have with the life I currently have and how different they are. I grew up in a rural environment with "friends" across the county. Now I live in a suburban environment and have difficulty finding friends whom I stay in contact with more than once a month. I live closer to people today and am more connected, but they know less about me and I about them. Complicating this whole picture are the difficult questions I get when I visit with people who knew me in my "previous life" about when I'm going to "come home" to work on the farm... or when my kids are going to be in 4-H. These are all things I would like to be able to answer. In many regards they are only difficult because they force me to deal with them rather than being able to distract myself with something more short term as a sort of anaesthetic. These are all questions that fit with my previous life but I don't know how they fit in my present life. I would never trade what I have now for what I had then... but I would like to make the two merge somehow. Yet in my own temporal mindset, I can't see the bigger picture. As I read this scripture today I was reminded what His purpose is for me.... like we tell our kids every night... my purpose is to bring Glory to God ... and He will use whatever situation he pleases to achieve this purpose in my life. I get hung up with the momentary life and confuse this with my life's purpose... when in reality my purpose in life is to achieve His purpose. It doesn't make my present struggle any easier right now, nor does it make my feelings of nostalgia evaporate. Yet, it does help me readjust my perspective which is always good from time to time to keep looking up for direction.