The Disappointment of Rejection

Recently someone I really admire stepped out in faith trying to make a difference in the world. This person decided to open their home to a member of their family who came from lesser circumstances and offered them a new way of life. This nephew was provided with free room and board, a credit card of his own, a new car, a sizable monthy allowance for spending money, all in a surban environment to finish their high school years in a 4 star school system. Now the nephew was asked to sign a contract of sorts. The agreement was that he had to maintain a certain GPA, have some daily tasks within the household like lawn mowing and putting away his own laundry. Suffice it to say it wasn't a "free ride" but it was a chance to hone his self-discipline skills and excape some of the entitlement mentality he'd been raised with. Additionally, my friend even made the incentive offer that upon graduation with a successful GPA, he would pay for the first 2 years of college! This seems like too good of an offer to be true doesn't it!

Now let me take you to the end of the story. The nephew has moved out and rejected the lifestyle (and its ammenities) that were offered to him. Why is that? Because the discipline it required was too great and his pension for immediate pleasure trumped the perceived benefits of the offer made to him. Witnessing the disappointment of my friend is really disturbing. He was trying to do right and make a difference, but someone told him "no" to his offer.

Why am I even talking about this here? Well it was a great spiritual application for me.

1. On one level, how many people have rejected the life-giving gift of Jesus and all the rewards that come along with it. And how must God feel when His children reject his gift? I'm sure He's much more heartbroken than my friend - as it's not just a lifestyle decision, it truly is a life or death decision His children are making. When He was willing to give it all - and pay for our life - not just college - how disappointed He must feel when we arrogantly say no because of immediate pleasure seeking.
2. On a second level, how many times have I rejected God's daily offer to help me or to lead me? My arrogance of believing I can do it all myself leads me into daily disappointment. When my task list remains at the end of the day I'm disappointed because I'm not productive as I planned. And even when it is completely checked off, I may have never accomplished a single thing that God wanted me to that day. How disappointing is this?

If you have never accepted God's gift or if you have blatantly rejected it... I urge you to realize you - like my friend's nephew - may be passing up on the deal of a lifetime... literally.

Secondly, if you have already accepted this gift, join me in realizing every day is set aside with the perfect amount of time to accomplish what God instructs us to... but maybe if you find your self out of time... you (like I) may have rejected God's offer to help us order our days.

Either way... you can avoid being a disappointment... will you?

Day 88 - Nearly the End!

OK... so I haven't been good about posting as I'm reading but I am nearly finished with this 90 day reading schedule and have nearly completed the Bible in 90 days! It has been amazing and fast. I must admit I don't enjoy this rate of consumption and it has occasionally given me indigestion. I need to slow down, to chew on it and sometimes return to it several times before I officially feel full.

After reading the Bible cover to cover I don't presume to be able to summarize everything God has taught me... but here are a few.

• HE can always be trusted.
• HE will always provide for my needs (but not always my wants).
• ALL things work together for His purposes... ALL Things!
• HE is always speaking to me... it is me who chooses to listen (or not!)
• I really stink at relational prayer with God... though I'm quite good at giving him my list of demands!
• Though the world seems out of control right now... HE is always in control.
• I need Him... now, today and every day!

One of the disciplines I've enjoyed from this experience is the process of journaling on-line. This blog has been an accountability tool (Thanks Dr. Matt for keeping me honest and on track) as well as a self-reflection exercise. I've always been told to speak as if you're being recorded and write as if it may be published... in some regards this is the purpose of this journal. I am being recorded and published and most importantly I'm pouring my thoughts out to God and his image(s) here on Earth - which is YOU!

For that reason, I've changed the name of my blog.... You'll notice it is not called "Hearing God's Voice." The 90 days may have ended... but God has so much more to say... Stay Tuned. He's only just begun.

August 12 - Day 79

If you are reading this and seeing the amazing gap between July 27 and now you'll realize I haven't done very good about keeping up with blog posts. Something about international travel, jetlag, returning to the routine AND preparing for Baby #3 has just not afforded me the mindspace I needed.

Reflect on that last comment... how often to you find yourself saying things like this? I once heard a speaker talking about economics... and he was talking about the shift in consumerism in the postmodern era. His phrase was "people afford what they value." I suppose this captures my heart a little more lately.

You see, I've been keeping up on my reading. I've been doing it religiously. I value completing this goal in the 90 days. Yet, I haven't been doing my reading as a means for relationship - of finding Jesus in my daily time in the Word. If I haven't afforded the mindspace to find a relationship with Him, then I suppose it would mean that I don't value a relationship with Him. And how harsh does that sound?

Harsh but true... lately I've been flying on my own managing most priorities. Yet I always seem to be behind and tired. I don't feel proactive at all nor do I really feel productive. I'm sure it is because I left Him out of it.

A friend recently loaned me a Book on CD which I've listened to intensely over the last few days. It has really helped me realize this void in my life and how easily it was to quit looking for relationship and fall into the way of "religion." I highly recommend it...

http://www.amazon.com/Shack-Special-Hardcover-William-Young/dp/0964729245/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1218570588&sr=8-1

July 26-27; Days 63-64

Daniel 1-Hosea 14

The book of Daniel contains many things... stories from the past that provide encouragement and visions of the future that scare the pants off of me...

I was reading of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the fiery furnace and realized it is a not just a story. It is a picture of what is happening today in our world. We are all walking around a fiery furnace. We've been put here because of our rebellion. We've rebelled against God and made some bad choices resulting in Satan's domain being increased in our everyday world. Yet the challenge is because the heat is slowly constantly being turned up we don't realize it is getting hotter and hotter nor the danger we are in. But just as the three men were protected by a 4th we too are protected by God's grace and the Holy Spirit with us today. Yet we cannot see our protector. The fact that we aren't burned by the sin run rampant around is is evidence enough that He exists. He has not yet given us completely over to our own selfish ambition. He is still walking around with us... and not a hair on our head should be burned as long as He is still present.

Later in Daniel 9 when I read Daniel's prayer I began to weep. "We have sinned and done wrong. We have been wicked and have rebelled; we have turned away from your commands and laws.... " (Dan 9:5) Is this not like today. Should this not be my prayer everyday? "Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant. For your sake, O Lord, look with favor on your desolate sanctuary. Give ear, O God, and hear; open your eyes and see the desolation...."(Dan 9:17) Let this be not just a written prayer, but the cry of my heart today and always.

I mentioned earlier that parts of Daniel scare me. I know God will provide and He is in control. However, I don't claim to understand all of what Daniel's vision contains. Yet I do read that there will be lots of suffering and strife. This is what scares me. Daniel 12 records some of Daniels thoughts which are my own as I read this.... "I heard but I did not understand, so I asked, "My lord what will be the outcome of this?"" (Dan 12:8) "From the time that the daily sacrifice is abolished and the abomination that causes desolation is set up, there will be 1290 days. Blessed is the one who waits for and reaches the end of the 1335 days. AS for you, go your way till the end. You will rest, and then at the end of the days you will rise to receive your alloted inheritance." (Dan 12:11-13). Press on my friend. Strive to reach the end and we'll receive our inheritances together.

July 24-25; Days 61-62

Ezequiel 24-48



Let me set the context for this posting. I just arrived in Australia for a business trip. A grueling 24 travel experience to get here... but I'm here safely. It seems no matter when I travel some of my best "thinking time" comes on the plane as I'm aware that I'm apart from my family and will not be rejoining them soon. It causes me to be self-reflective and sometimes somewhat morose. This travel experience was no different.

Then I turned to the Bible to for comfort and wisdom as I pursued the reading for these days....
Wrong passages to look for comfort from. Ezequiel receives visions and pronounces judgement on all of Israels enemies and neighbors. Their waywardness and treatment of the nation of Israel have caused God to pronounce their demise. Yet toward the end of Ezequiel I see the promises toward Israel. Despite their wickedness and waywardness, God still promises to bring them back together and to protect them despite their past. He calls them - through Ezequiel - back to their roots... the division of the land, the calling of Levites as priests, instructions for the temple... etc.

What I gain from this is the steadfastness of our Creator. No matter where we may go, He is always there. He never left Israel. They moved. Their suffering and depravity was a result of their choices. Not God's will. Everything He did, he did with the expressed purposes of bringing them back to Him. Is it not the same today? When we feel afraid or are experiencing suffering is it because we've moved away from God? And perhaps it is because no matter what, He is acting - even in the midst of suffering - to move closer to him.

So While I'm now about 9000 miles from home - on the other side of the earth from my family I have moved. But God has not. As my heart aches to be reunited with my family this momentary suffering is enabling me to get closer to God to feel his presence in a way that I haven't been able to in the past few weeks. On the plane I actually shed some tears as I was reading this. Realizing that - though my suffering wasn't the same as the suffering that Israel went through - it is still real and God is still talking to me. I began talking a back to Him and what do you know... I feel his presence again. Even 9000 miles from "home." Our God is a great big God who cares for us in itty bitty ways!

July 21-23; Days 58,59,60

Lamentations 1- Ezequiel 23

Lord, as I move into reading Ezequiel , I reminded (and encouraged) by the fact that you grant us visions for the future. Certainly as in Ezequiel's case we cannot always understand what these visions mean nor can we accurately describe them using mere human language. Thus when I read these passages I can't always understand exactly what you've revealed to Ezequiel.

My present "funk" that I'm in is because of a lack of vision. I feel that I'm just wandering in life right now. I'm not really enjoying my present occupation like I used to. As I prepare to go on an international trip for work, my heart aches for leaving my family. I don't feel as if I'm living up to my role as a father or husband in being the priest of our household. These things leave me susceptible for believing the lies Satan is throwing at me. My precious wife recently reminded me of that.

Lord help recreate in me a vision for how you want me to serve you. Though I may not understand it nor accurately be able to describe it, please... make it unmistakable that it is from you - and only you. . . how I need and want to hear from you now.

July 15-20; Days 52-57

Is 41 - Jere 47

If you're reading this its obvious I took some time off from posting on my blog. I'm still current on the reading but between vacation schedule and a generally poor attitude lately I was just not making time to put up a posting. Besides this content is especially difficult for me to understand. In my last posting I purposed to stop worrying about the future to enjoy the present... but here in the Prophets, its all about the future - doom and gloom sprinkled with some amazing promises.

Sure, verse by verse there are some amazing promises that God has used to speak to me during this reading. But as I'm reading I'm trying to decide what is the macro picture here? What is God trying to tell me? Blessings for obedience and curses for disobedience. Maybe that is it?

What I find myself wondering the most is what would it have been like to be either Isaiah or Jeremiah. Particularly Jeremiah. We often quote the verse from Jeremiah that tells us God knew us before he formed us in the womb. It makes us feel important and wanted - and it should. But think about Jeremiah. God knew that his life's purpose was to bring bad news to people and share with them a message that they wouldn't obey- all before he was created in the womb. We later see Jeremiah questioning why he was even born... why hadn't he been killed in the womb? Something sadistic perhaps, but I can identify with his pain in the present attitude I've been carrying around.

Let me be a little more transparent than I've been... I'm the only remaining son of a long generation of farmers. Yet to date, I've chosen not to return to the farm. Yet there is something inside of me that wants the lifestyle but not sure that I'm cut out to be a full time farmer. Each year that passes I feel like a bigger and bigger disappointment to my parents. I enjoy my present job and lifestyle and am not ready to give it up for something uncertain and unknown. So there are many times when I've agonized with God... why me? Why did you chose this for me? Why don't you just make it clear to me what I'm supposed to do? Maybe my thoughts haven't ever gone as far as Jeremiah in thinking "Why was I ever born?" yet I have been having a bit of a pity party lately. The consequence of this is that I've not been the husband or father that God wants me to be. I'm not being obedient to the blessings He has given me because of worry for the things that I've not yet known.

So the life of Jeremiah had to be tough... constantly receiving messages from God that is not popular with the culture and even when delivered didn't see much change in the culture... he was even punished for his messages. My life is nothing compared to that. Yet I'm not being obedient and am not being the leader in my family.

God knew me before I was born and knew the struggles I would face. He knew it would take those struggles to make me more like Him. It is my choice to face the challenges as opportunities to bring Him glory or to have a pity party. If Jeremiah could persist in his challenges... so can I!