July 12-14; Days 49, 50, 51

Isaiah 1 - 42

I was wondering when it was going to happen and it finally did. I've reached the point at which this has become a task and not part of letting God speak to me. I'm facing burnout of reading the Bible, but I'm so afraid to get behind and really want to finish. So admittedly this post has very little to do with the passage and more to do with me...

I'm sure it has something to do with my heart attitude. My heart is very heavy. I realized it when I was reading Ecclesiastes and actually enjoyed it because I also felt so much the same! My heart has been worried about the future and I've almost missed living in the present... all because I've been focused on the past. I've consumed my heart and mind with worry and pushed God and his Word out of my life.... what a silly thing to do.. Let me describe....

Last week we went to visit family over the 4th of July. Then we went to my parents' house and stayed with them for a few days while we attended the county fair where I grew up. We watched my nephew show animals in 4-H something I used to do while growing up. Its not uncommon for me to leave these visits from my parents a little melancholy. I long for a stronger relationship with my family. I long for the "lifestyle" I used to enjoy growing up in the country. Yet coming away from this visit I was a little more than melancholy. I was and still am a little bit what I would call "homesick." But what makes me homesick. Is it missing what was... or hoping that I could have that again?

I can't quite figure it out. I have prayed several nights since I've been home for God to help me figure it out. Yet, I'm not sure how... at the same time I'm worrying about the future I run the risk of enjoying the present. You see, me and my family are on vacation this week. We are enjoying a week away. Camping out and visiting an amusement park. I visited the park today with the kids and my wife and while we were there I was so preoccupied with what was going through my head I almost missed the joy of watching my children experience the rides for the first time.

How often is it like this in the world. We 're so worried about the future that we can't enjoy the present? Well I think this is where the overlap comes with the Bible readings for the last several days. Isaiah was just a normal man willing to follow God's leading. And he was a man that found it impossible to focus on the present because God kept giving him pictures of what the future was going to look like. So Isaiah had to go around and tell people about how bleak the future looked even though in the present they thought he was kind of strange.

I'm certainly no Isaiah. I'm not called to tell people about doom and gloom - at least not yet. But I do know there is a lot in the present I want to enjoy and there is a lot in the future that I'm uncertain of. The only thing I can do is to purpose to live each day more purposely. By asking God to order my short term steps, I'm trusting he'll order them in such a way that leads me to figure out the future... and instead of figuring it out - I hope I'll just enjoy the moment when it happens....

But for now, I've got to go... tomorrow we're going to a water park with the kids and I don't want to miss a moment.