May 27 - Day 3

I'm finding new rhythm and peace with this rate of consumption of the Word. It overwhelms me at times and I want to stop and ponder it longer than I allow for knowing that there is so much more to come in the daily reading. I find it hard not to jump into a "religious" attitude that as long as I complete my reading, I've had a good conversation with God. I recognize that there is so much more to talk to God about when I'm reading more of His Word.

This discipline is changing me - albeit only on day 3 - but I have less time to do the "non-essential" things of life such as watching TV and wasting time. I also have to be careful to make sure I don't allow this to conflict with quality family time or quiet time with my wife. Relationships with others reflect our relationship with the Lord. My prayer is that none of these suffer in my life.

I highlighted a few things in my reading today that struck me. I'm not sure how to interpret them yet or how they directly apply to my life, but I do trust that God will reveal the applications to me in His time.

1. Gen 28:8 - Esau realized how much his father (Isaac) disliked Canaanite women so he went to Ishmael and married a Canaanite woman named Mahalath. Presumably he did this to spite his father and to "get back at" Isaac for giving his blessing to Jacob instead of Esau. This caused me to reflect - how often to I do things to spite my earthly Father for decisions that he's made intentionally or otherwise. Maybe I don't do them intentionally or with malice intent -but do I truly Honor him in all ways? Additionally, how often do I do things (or don't do things) to spite God my heavenly Father for blessings he's not given me that I feel I deserve? Sometimes I don't pray or I don't read my Bible - because "I don't feel like it." And God still continues to love me and protect me despite my attempts to spite Him. More importantly, He continues to show me His Grace by not truly giving me what I've essentially asked for in my attempts to spite him.
2. Gen 29:31 - "When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb but Rachel was barren." This is difficult for me to interpret. Given our history of infertility it is hard for me to read this and know what you're trying to say. Rachel was loved and she remained barren. Leah was not loved by her earthly husband and therefore she was blessed with having children. But what does this mean for couples facing infertility? Is it that you love them and chose them to be infertile to bring them closer to You? Why do You open some wombs and close others? My prayer in reading this is for all couples in this situation that You will help them see their infertility as a blessing - not a curse- and the reward is a closer relationship with You.
3. Gen 30:25ff - Jacob's flocks increase in number. As a measure of his obedience and faith in the Lord, God blessed Jacob by increasing his flocks. It seemed that no matter how Jacob arranged the breeding program of the flocks or divided the animals to what appeared to be even - God would work it out such that Jacob ended up with more animals than did Laban. I recognize that God's blessings are not all material. And the believer is never promised physical prosperity as a result of faith. But this example again reminds me that God is ALWAYS in control. He will always see to it that the believer is taken care of and has all they need. Lord help me understand the differences between the things I want... and those things I truly need.

May 26 - Day 2

Wow, this is going to take a little while to get into the routine. I attempted to read today's reading all in one sitting early in the morning. I find my mind wandering and I'm reading and re-reading the same words. Yet when I concentrate I discover You're still there ... You never move... You always show up to meet with me.

Today I identify with Lot's wife. (Gen 19) As she left her home as it was burning and sulphur was raining down she looked back and became a pillar of salt. How often do I look back on the stench I've left behind when I know God is calling me to a new purer life. The life that is behind me is safe and comfortable - though it is eroding and dying. But the life that is ahead of me is unknown and scary. I know it is best to follow God.... I just don't want to leave my safety and my stench.

I also am refreshed by reading the passage of Hagar and Ishmael. (Gen 16) It helps me realize how You continue to speak to us daily -- if we listen. This was the passage that helped Nicole and I make our decision to pursue Embryo Adoption for our family. We were reminded that Abraham and Sarah thought they were doing a very good thing by becoming parents of Ishmael and inviting Hagar into their plan. Your plan for Abraham was to wait. Yet you allowed them to pursue their self-will and as a result Ishamel and the rest of his lineage have been in conflict with your people since.

This passage hit us at a time in our life when we were trying to expand our family. We were going to pursue domestic infant adoption for a second time. It was safe, it was comfortable and we knew how to do it all over again. Yet, you were calling us to the unknown. You were telling us that comfort is not the same as peace. You were granting us peace, but we would have to rest in you for the comfort to make it through a process we knew very little about. Thank You dear Father for making your word relevant to our lives even today!

I was also refreshed today by reading about Isaac and Rebekah (Gen 24). When Isaac's servant went back to Abraham's homeland to find Isaac a wife he prayed a specific expectant prayer. He prayed for a girl who would come to offer him a drink and also water his camels. When such a girl came he would know this was who was to become Isaac's wife. It caused me to ask, how often do I pray such specific and expectant prayers. Sure, I pray for healing or for help. But do I really get this specific and pray for the details only I know you can provide. OR when I do pray this specifically, how often do I chalk it up to coincidence rather than your ordained events? Forgive me Father for limiting your ability to work miracles in my life. Help me develop my prayers into arrows that pierce the darkness and allow you to reveal yourself in mighty ways.

Thank You again for meeting with me today. I love you Dear Father and can't wait to record what else it is You will reveal to me in this study. Help me protect the time to meet with you and give me unfathomable concentration as I digest your Word.